WELCOME TO THE INSTITUTE
FOR HOMELES ROBOTS.
I, the illustrious Professor Robot Hands, will be your guide over the next few paragraphs. Please feel free to pretend to enjoy yourself.
Here at the Institute we use use every square inch of our sprawling estate to house our treasures until they find their "Forever Home". Many of the curiosities we have accumulated over the years are stored in the "ATTIC OF HORRORS" with its aptly named "Shelves of Slight Discomfort"...some are sent to live in the "Hall Closet of Partially Alarming Clutter" or the "Garage of Unspecific Dread" and some of our long term guests are housed in the newly rented "Corner Office of General Unease". Either way your item is heard about, seen, driven to, ordered, found, bargained for, obtained, traded for, bought, delivered to, received by, signed for, inventoried, scrubbed, cleaned, powered up, repaired, photographed, cropped, rotated, uploaded, listed, shelved, picked, bagged, packed, labeled and shipped by one guy...Professor Robot Hands.
If you think you might want to adopt multiple items, just send me a list of titles or item numbers and I can make special listing for you with them all together. You absolutely will not get combined shipping unless you specifically ask for it and it is agreed to...most likely it will.
Please ask before, not after you buy, before. I cant help you after you pay.
Is all this glorious exposition too much for you? Does it just make you want to send me a passive-aggressive message to tell me about how you cant be bothered to read any of it? You should probably just move on. It is likely we dont see eye to eye and that rarely works out for either party....besides this really was a trap.
Now more words!
I pride myself on my expert ability to package and ship items safely. Depending on the availability, your item may arrive in a double taped new or used cardboard box with; air-bubbles, peanuts, padded mailers & packing paper. I work with whatever I have on hand and that changes daily. I try to re-use as much packaging product as I can so your package may not be "pretty". I hope that you can help re-use some of the packing material too. If you need extra attention given to your package because you have a small mailbox, live in an apartment building or have a carrier that thinks mail requires bending as part of the delivery process, just let me know. If need be I can get some sheet metal. However as much as I want to help, I have not, nor will I ever give a courtesy refund for an item that you say you didnt get but shows "delivered" on tracking. If you think there is a possibility of theft from your delivery address or it might rain on your packages, you need to shore that business up. Get a PO box or have packages held at your local...dont be puttin it on me.
I buy, scarf, obtain, scrounge & hoard jigsaw puzzles by the HUNDREDS from church, garage, community sales and such and they may have musty, basement or attic like odors. ALSO there is NO feasible way for me to count each and every one of them. If you are an avid puzzler you already know that counting the pieces is not a guarantee of completeness anyway. If you do buy a jigsaw puzzle and find there is a missing piece(s), please just let me know within the return window and I will be happy to take care of it. Just send me a picture of the "completed" puzzle with the missing piece(s). Buying a puzzle from me means you acknowledge and consider each and every puzzle to be uncounted with a possibility of being incomplete...it does happen although it is quite rare.
To get refunded for any puzzle you may be required to destroy, or return part/all of it.
You alternately may choose to select another puzzle from stock or take a credit for future stock.
I cannot enforce this policy but if you choose not to follow it and be one of those kinds of buyers....
well you dont get to buy from me again.
Keys are not implied to be either valid or invalid on any used games or software.
Vintage magnetic software and media are sold for their pretty, pretty collectible packaging/art work and not guaranteed to work or have perfect image or sound quality. Why on EARTH would you think a 50 year old ABBA 8-Track would sound like a re-mastered CD is beyond me.
Music, game and other discs may be run on a professional buffer machine and then described as LN.
Used items such as books, games, movies and other digital media may or may not have intact or unexpired digital download codes or coupons.
Some items may be entirely disassembled or partially disassembled to ensure they arrive safely and unbroken.
Batteries will not be included in anything taking batteries (can you believe that people ask me about what that means? Like they are are buying a puzzle and they ask about batteries...yeah Brenda...your dang puzzle doesnt ship with freaking batteries in it.... NOTHING I have does...sheesh).
My items come from many and varied sources (it would be an impossibility to tell you the smell pedigree of every item I have for sale) sometimes but not always including; smoking households, homes with weird pets, households with different gods or people that cook gross food. These theoretical smells are subjective. If you have a sensitive sniffer...dont look at me...blame your nose.
I dont go around snuffing junk at estate sales for you.
Making a best offer? Dont bother with less than half.That is called a "Worst Offer" and I know that means you arent serious. Starting with a lowball offer is not going to get you a better negotiating position with me...its going to get you a worse one.No one thinks its cute when you waste their time so dont do it.Am I not responding to your totally lame worst offers? Just move on. Is the item already on sale? Well, that is the lowest it is going to go because Im not here to give stuff away. When you come to my house...bring your money, or I dont have time for you.
Wanting me to split a lot up? I bet you can tell what the answer to that is. Yeah, youre a smart one alright, I knew I liked you.
Thinking of asking me to alter a customs form? NOPE....I will never, ever, ever considering doing it, so dont even ask. Im not going to even pretend to entertain paying your customs fees. I cant even believe anyone even has the gall to ask that but they do.
Cant buy from the Institute? It means you were naughty. Im not bending my rules for naughty people.
Am I an idiot? (entirely possible) Did I manage to misspell something even with spell checker on? Poor grammar? Did I use the wrong picture? Item details from some other book showing up? Got a $4000 handling fee? Is a fat blobby cat in the picture obscuring something? Shipping set to Overnight Express? Let me know, Im just one, solitary, handsome professor and I list VERRRRY early in the morning. I am happy to thank for the assist. Know more than me about the item? ...eh, thats also possible. Im an expert on many, many things, especially in the comics and toy area (1960s-2010s). I am not however Big King UGG- All Highest of Nerdlandia & Beyond. There are times where Ill miss something like an armor bit, a backpack, a trailer hitch a broken wing tip or a chipped ear, bent corner or whatevs. For that I beg your patience. It has taken me 25+ years to amass the knowledge that I have but there is still plenty more to learn.
Need your item faster, like overnight? Want it shipped as a gift? Got special packaging or delivery needs, like to a giftee? Do you just like asking pertinent questions? Fire away! Please note that I cannot & will not mail your item to anywhere but the address(s) you have on file with and chose at checkout. If you have a giftee in mind, put their address into your profile and choose it when you checkout. Do that BEFORE you buy anything. Looking for combined shipping? Also before you buy, not after. Need delayed shipment? ...again, before you buy is the time to ask for this. Think maybe the shipping is a bit off? ...before you buy. Help ME, help YOU. Im happy to assist you with whatever you need BEFORE checkout. BEFORE. before before before before.
Problem with your order? Drop me a line. Im happy and determined to help and make your sale right. Im only one guy doing all this so every now and then I do make a mistake....only problem is, with one handsome and humble professor doing all the work around here, there is no one left to catch the mistake except you.
Item damaged? Not quite what you were expecting? Well, dangit. In buying an item from the Institute you are agreeing to help out in any insurance claim, showing me pictures proving your damage claim and possibly keeping damaged merchandise and packaging. You get any given refund from me, I get my refund from who I used to get your item delivered. To start, you show me a picture of the item damaged and the damaged packaging along with the correspondence or notes from the delivery service used. I may end up working it out through USPS insurance (or FedEx or UPS...whomever) and a postal inspector might need to take possession of the item or I may ask for a part to be mailed back, like a book cover or part of the box, I may ask you to destroy the item & provide photo proof or I may call it a wash with no further action needed by either of us. Remember you are agreeing tosave any notes, damaged packaging & the damaged item because it may needed to be given to inspectors as part of a claim.
I totally believe you that your item was damaged or not as described, now you can totally believe me that I need to see that picture anyway.
Item go missing? Well...I have online view-able tracking on just about every package so just let me know and both of us can easily look into it. If it is a week or more outside of delivery then we should both call the USPS. It will dramatically increase the chances of shaking loose any stuck packages within the system. Please note Hawaii and Alaska residents you should already know that delivery estimates to you are NEVER correct.
I have had NO packages, a total of ZERO packages make it to Alaska or Hawaii in the estimated time frame in over 25 years.
Not one.
So Stay Calm.
You have 4 days to pay.
The first possible chance I get I will cancel and re-list and will give you a non-payment strike. I dont care if your distant relative hit a bus full of nuns and is in a hospital in Croatia. I got stuff to do.
Im not going to beg you to pay, so you do your part and Ill do my part...capisce?
Not sure what the item is that I am selling? I know right! (Youd be surprised how often this happens) This is a BIG, ENORMOUS, TITANIC, YUUUGE hint that maybe you shouldnt just go and willy-nilly hit "Buy It Now". Look, I know I am not the most flowery of description writers. "This is the name of the thing I have, it is in X condition.", is about as far as I go. I sell niche market collectibles and oddities mostly. I cant even begin to imagine how you possibly got here if you dont know what my thing is...and if you do not know what my thing is or you are unfamiliar with it...ASK. Id so much rather you DID NOT buy something from me if you dont know what it is or what I am talking about. ...and why are you offering me money for stuff that you dont even know what it is in the first place?
WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?
Let me repeat that in a different way, even though I shouldnt have to: "If you do not know what it is you are looking at in my store, do not buy it!". Pause. Another pause. Ask me what it is. If you still dont know after that...
If you are not sure what shelf wear, ding, stress, variant, chipping, oxidation, acid staining, Silver, Bronze, Copper Age, Full Bleed, JLA, JSA, BTVS, LOTR, ST:TNG, VF, GN, HC, PF, PB, TPB, OGN, OAV, MOC, MISB, DCU, MSRP or any of the other hundreds of common pop culture lingo terms mean....you are over your head and you are going to need some help. Its OK. Everyone starts somewhere. Feel free to ask me anything, (except the exact measurements of t-shirts....man if you require perfectly tailored t-shirts, is not the place for you...try Millionaires T-Shirt Depot instead.) Im your 20+ years experience Nerd Prince expert. Please make your questions very specific if you need more information and please...do your asking before you buy.
If I dont respond, maybe there is a good reason why and maybe there isnt. I dont need a reason to asses the risks of selling to a stranger on the interwebs.
Just know that I have done so for the benefit of us both and you can thank me later.
so
Please just move on.
Feedback is automatically & randomly generated after you receive your item and are happy.
Again, because this is super extra important: I cannot & will not ship to any address other than one you chose at checkout. Make sure the address you want your item shipped to is correct before you pay.
Once you pay...thats it, I dont ask if it is correct.
...and FedEx is not delivering to your or ANY PO box so quit choosing it.
Fix your address if you want FedEx.
If you choose local pick-up and you like live in Alaska or something you aint flying in to grab this t-shirt so you need to message ME to figure it out, not the other way around.
Firm but fair. Informal but professional. Committed and honest. Long winded and slightly amusing.
Devastatingly handsome but not real tall.
The Institute is an outlet for overstock and garage/estate sale & thrift store treasure hunt finds.
I take it very seriously as this is my full time job.
If you didnt like my novella length Wordy McWordwords, well Im sure with enough time and counselling youll come to forgive me. Also, meh.
If any of this upset you...get of the internet. Stop using because this is all basic day one stuff here.
